Birds that seed prisms on their tails..
And roost on the lofty chambers of divide;
Scared to a flutter
By a girl's pitter patter
Flies off in an arc...
For a moment there is a rainbow..
A blinding stream of light
Lucid when the eyes are closed
But opened only to Darkness.
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2 comments:
I went through all three entries.
"Birds that seed prisms on their tails.."
beautiful.
'lofty chambers of divide had me thinking'. interesting. good.
lofty, of course, understandable. but why are they chambers of divide? perhaps you could give some clues?
"Scared to a flutter
By a girl's pitter patter
Flies off in an arc..."
good. perhaps it should be "Fly off"? that would be in keeping with the grammar, specially if you read the entire para as one sentence.
the rest of the poem is nice. I think I hav some idea of the experience you are talking about. Perhaps you could flesh it out? concentrate more on the experience itself?
this poem is a beautiful fragment. But you need to expand it.
...surreal.
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